Friday, June 30, 2017

The truth about long marriages

This post could also be entitled

"How to stay married when you are both sinners saved by grace"

We have been married for 34 years.  We have known each other for 39 years.

It's a long time!

We just passed our anniversary a week ago.  On social media I posted a picture of us with the title
"neither one has gone missing yet"   My husband shared the picture and wrote "another happy year of marriage".

.......neither one of these comments were portraying the truth about our marriage.   That bothers me.  I read too many blogs, and too many social media posts that set the bar far too high.  If only you follow these 5 easy steps, then you too can have the marriage of your dreams!  Ha!

So many marriages don't make it.  I think they don't make it for a variety of reasons.  I will address at least two here.

1.  God is not the center.  Now I'm not even going to pretend that I'm speaking to the entire population here.  As a Christian, I'm going to speak as a Christian.  If you don't acknowledge the fact that God owns your marriage, that what He wants and desires from us is supreme over what we want, then you are doomed to fail.

2.  Selfishness.  If one or the other has a selfish streak, then there is bound to be trouble.  If both have one, then you are doomed to fail.

I can only speak for myself.  I want to be honest because I think that there are a ton and a half of people that need to hear this message.  Marriage is hard.  Marriage is not all fun and games.  Marriage has a purpose.  My opinion is that if you are in a marriage that is over the top happy, happy, joy, joy, all of the time........then you are hiding something.  yes!  You are!  You have settled and you don't feel passionately about your life.

I love my husband and he loves me.  We struggle, a lot!  We are both sinners, saved by grace.  We are trying to live out our lives according to God's will, not our own.  We have a good life and if we had to weigh it out on a set of scales, the happy would win.  But there would still be an abundance of sad.
We will be learning how to make this work until the day we die.  We know that and we accept the challenge.

Having the love of Jesus in our hearts does not shield us from marriage troubles.  But it does help keep us centered when all around us it's storming.  I heard a song this morning; Let it Rain and the words said "just because it's pouring down doesn't mean we're gonna drown...let it rain"  Sometimes you have to fight and cry and pray your way through the stormy stuff.  Wait it out.  Another song line I heard says "a bitter heart turns the love we made to ashes"

We aren't perfect and our marriage is not perfect (far from it)  But God is perfect and God trusted us with the relationship, this family, this life.  God knows best and we won't question Him.

Each day is a new chance to try harder.  Yeah, I used to believe that.

It's better to believe that each moment is a new chance to try harder.

Put God first and your spouse second.  That's the only advice I can give.



9 comments:

  1. And that is very good advice...Happy Anniversary may God Bless you with many more years.

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  2. Happy Anniversary! Well said, but I also think we are raising generations of adults who are not willing to stay committed when the going gets tough and it is going to be hard sometimes.

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    1. yes, this is true! the thing i worry about is that we don't talk enough about the struggles and how we get through them. Our children are all married and i worry that they think we have the "perfect" marriage. I want to be more honest about how hard it is, but how worth it it is!

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  3. I love reading your blog!! You give great advice!

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  4. Happy Belated Anniversary! I've just found your blog and have really enjoyed randomly reading posts...it seems that we have had similar paths! My husband and I are from rural Northern New Jersey and now live in the Pacific NW on 7 acres...we just finished homeschooling our 2 boys. We also had to walk away from our families due to Abuse and Witchcraft. We belong to the Lord Jesus Christ and That fact makes all the difference in our lives! We just celebrated 32 years of "wedded bliss"...not perfect, but full of love and respect. I've really enjoyed reading your blog and hope to read more of it soon. Linn

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    1. wow Linn! we do have a lot in common :) we moved here from phillipsburg, nj, although i grew up in kenilworth. we also needed to get away. i've been blogging since we moved here in 2004. my blog has multiple personalities. i just need to share and get stuff out of my head i guess! thanks for commenting!--karen

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  5. I totally understand about needing to share...we homeschoolers are sometimes very isolated; not by choice but we are endeavoring to raise Godly children. This is the first time in 19 years that I'm not homeschooling! I've spent a lot more time on the sofa, reading the Word of God and praying, and looking at Mount Baker! We're 20 minutes from the Puget Sound and two blocks in from Canada...it's been a great place to raise kids! Linn

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    1. that sounds wonderful! we are deep in the woods but near the coast. i have had my break from homeschooling and went to work for ten years. now i'm home again and helping to homeschool the grandchildren. it's very hard work, but so rewarding and so necessary--karen

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