ignorant bliss

i'm a thinker.  i think too much.
things have to make sense to me.
i try to think about things until i can figure out how they make sense.....in some way....in any way....
sometimes it's such a stretch.
to try to figure out how someone else could possible even think that something makes sense.

are you still following me?

all of this thinking is getting to be too much for my brain.
the world has truly gone mad.....or has it?
.....maybe i'm the one who has gone mad?  some days.....
it feels that way.

at this point in time i feel overwhelmed by the world.
the entire freaking world that sits right there.....at the end of my driveway.
sometimes i feel like i want to just stockpile food and quit my job, cancel the tv and internet and just...........live in ignorant bliss for a while.
i really, really, really could do this!!!

but!  is that being realistic?  no....probably not.
could i just pick one or two of those things off of that list and do those???

the fact of the matter is this:  would burying my head in the sand save just ONE baby from being violently ripped from its mothers womb?  would it convince just ONE person to seek Jesus and not be a slave to sin?  would it do anyone any good?  including myself?

there are too many voices out there leading people astray.  there are too many Christians out there who are silent on the topics of sin and repentance.  they want to just say "my job is to love and God's job is to judge"................
......................really?
do we really want to just love people all the way to HELL???????

no one wants to offend.  no one wants to "judge"  no one wants to be that lone voice.
but i do.  i don't know why, but i do.

you see, there are these boys.  and i hate the world they must grow up in.  this world is dangerous, deceitful, and sinful.  the weight of feeling responsible for passing on God's word, teaching them to have a biblical worldview, and showing them how to live a godly life, well, it weighs heavy on me.
extremely heavy.  it seems to be so daunting of a task. my heart aches to think of any of them being led astray because we dropped the ball.  because we didn't want to offend.  because we didn't want to be different.

 because we wanted an easier life lived in ignorant bliss.........................

meltdown

yesterday i guess i had what is commonly referred to as a "meltdown"

ever since the supreme court decision to legalize same sex marriage was delivered to a divided american public, i have read opinion upon opinion on the subject.

i am more than firm on my position that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman,  ordained by God at creation.  i'm not going to go into detail about how the opposite sexes naturally compliment each other or how i believe that the relationship in marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship that Christ has with His church.  

suffice it to say that i will not ever be swayed from biblical truth.

at this moment my issue is with christians. i almost want to put "sarcastic quotes" (thanks matt walsh) around the word christians.  hmmmmm......wondering.......

anyway......

so much of what i'm hearing from my christian brothers and sisters is nothing more than watered-down theology.  it's like the majority of christians  tune into joel osteen every week to hear a "feel good" gospel message, if they even seek a message at all.

so........i melted.....i went outside.....i fell to my knees.......and i sobbed.  i sobbed because my heart is broken for the deceived.

and then i did what i do when my head is overloaded and jeff is not home for me to unload it on.

i wrote in a notebook.  the following is what i wrote.  except i wrote it in a HUGE, CRAZY, OUT OF CONTROL thought explosion sort of way.

watered down theology.  forgiveness without repentance???
do i even need a savior anymore?  if we don't mention sin how do we mention savior?  what is he saving us from?

God is love--love wins. can we love without bringing sexual deviance into it?  can i even say that????

are we accessories to sin when we don't talk about it anymore?

repent!  turn from your sins!  go and sin no more!!
our example in john the baptist preparing the way for our savior, and then Jesus himself telling sinners to sin no more.  to take up their cross and follow Him.  do we even know what that means???
are we no longer supposed to tell people this?  christians shouldn't talk about sin??? or use the word repent?????
we can't tell the world why we are upset?  why our hearts are broken for them?  we are just supposed to celebrate their sin with them?

i know our struggle isn't against flesh and blood, but against evil rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places.  am i even allowed to say that??? am i allowed to say that people are allowing evil to creep into their hearts and minds??????

everyone!!!  stand up and admit our sins!!! we are all sinners, we all need a savior!!!  be real, let us dig deep and examine our hearts, let us fall on our faces before God and repent.  will the world still think it doesn't need this???

do we just love people and let God do the rest?  really?  do we???  what does this love look like?  because i'm struggling with that right now.  the reason i struggle with that is because when i love someone it involves being truthful and not quietly sitting by while sin invades their lives.  in that same respect i rely on those that love me to do the same for me.

it is quite frightening that so many christians will turn a blind eye to sin as if the God we love and worship is not righteous, holy, just and merciful.

questions and prayers

i keep a notebook.  jeff would laugh at that statement because i have many, many notebooks and i'm always writing stuff down.

anyway....

i keep a notebook of prayers.  i write out my prayers at times.  it helps me to focus.  i have a hard time staying focused.

i wanted to share what i wrote in the last few days.  it is private, but needs to be public.  needs to be shared.

6/27/15
Father God,
my heart is grieving.  You led this country for so long.  at one time nearly everyone acknowledged that fact.  now.....this is what we have.  i am sad, but hopeful.  because i know whose hands i am held in.  i know who i belong to.  and it's not the gods of this world.  help me, Lord, to speak the truth.  to love.  to be a light in the world and not celebrate the dark.  thank you Lord.

6/28/15
Father,
i'm upset this morning.  it would be so easy to just disregard You and Your words and follow the rest of the world; be a part of the big party.  but what would i gain?  nothing.

following You Lord brings me peace and joy unspeakable.  it is a difficult road at times, filled with boulders and pitfalls. there are times that the world can make me feel wrong and defeated, and even other christians can make me feel wrong and defeated.

these are the words they banter around
"do not judge"  "do not be a stumbling block"  " just love"  "love your neighbor"

what do these things mean?

can i judge what is sin based on what i know is truth from scripture?
is my silence a stumbling block when i don't tell others the gospel message of sin-repentance-and forgiveness?
or is it a stumbling block when i do tell them?

love your neighbor.  love others.  love God.

i love You Lord with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my mind.
i see You God as a most loving parent.  You give me good things.  You teach me and mold me through your words and your Holy Spirit living inside me.  You remind me of my sins and my need to repent and be forgiven.  each day, each minute, i am reminded that i live to glorify You alone.

so if i am to reflect Your love, Lord to others, to the world, how does that look?
shouldn't it look the same as i described above?

the world and a big part of my christian brothers and sisters are promoting a love that i have not seen in scripture.  they are promoting a love that has no strings attached.  a love that doesn't lead anyone to the pathway of eternal life.

are we just supposed to tell the world that Your love is for everyone and Your grace is for us all and then leave it at that?  these are absolutely true statements, but is that where i'm supposed to stop?

am i not supposed to mention that the world needs a savior?  am i not supposed to tell them why we need a savior?  am i not supposed to mention  sin because that would be judging?  what constitutes sin?  do you decide or do we decide.  or do we let our earthly rulers decide it for us?

Lord, help me be strong enough and loving enough to speak the truth that the world needs to hear.
Heavenly Father please help me to not give my neighbors a false sense of eternal security.  help me to be able to disagree with others worldviews and not be angry.  help me to always remember that we are all made in Your image.  help me to remember that your adversary, satan, roams this earth seeking to destroy.  and it starts the moment we are conceived.  help me to lead my family alongside my husband to protect them and to humbly teach them Your ways only and to always lead them in the truth.
amen.