Expendable

 Expendable

That's how I feel a lot of the time.

I am a wife

I am a homemaker

I am a grandmother

I am needed

when i'm needed

I am considered

when i'm needed

I am thought of 

when i'm needed

I am included 

when i'm needed

I am useful

when i'm needed

I am a person that has no needs

or so it seems

be there

be available

take care

cover it

i am tired 

of being needed

i want my own life

totally of my design

do I dare?

design my own life

at this stage?

How to deal with discouragement

 

a pretty, little leaf on my dirty garden hand

It is hard to not give in to discouragement.

This sinful world we live in works against the spirit who lives inside us.

The world will never win, let's be clear on that!

It's a weird situation, but so natural at the same time.

God lives in me.

I am not my own.

Yet, I have autonomy in regards to my actions and reactions.

I am human.

I am saved.

But still just as capable of sin as everyone else.

I have the comforter with me.

Yet I am still suseptible to despair and discouragement.

I need to be more aware in each little moment of sitting back, breathing, and letting go.

I don't have to do everything, know everything, solve everything.

I just need to lean on my comforter and let His spirit envelope me like a warm, soft blanket.

I need to use this season of joyful colors in nature to really and truely feel the joy of the Lord!

I've been walking more on the path out in our woods (I have a half mile loop)  It's been a rainy summer and the green moss has created a beautiful carpet on the path.  I think because we raked the whole path last fall.  It's so peaceful.

Empty Nest Brain Dump

 This morning I deactivated my facebook account.

The world

near and far

is becoming too much for me right now.

So I drank my cup of coffee, showered, and went outside for a walk.

Sat on the swing out back

Came back inside and made a picnic lunch for Jeff and I, 

Then went to church.

It's the real world that matters.  The one right here.  The one I can touch.  The one I can make a connection with and feel like it really matters.  

I've made a few really wonderful connections through the internet.  Friends for life even though we have never met in person.  I actually made those friends through blogging (xanga) but we all wound up on facebook.

That is the part that tugs at my heart.

After church Jeff and I went to a nearby beach with our chairs and our picnic lunch.  It was cloudy and not quite 70, but it was very relaxing.  We talked a lot.  We have a lot of conversations lately about me letting go of things.  Expectations mostly.  Trying to live my life for me, for us, and not for everyone else.  I guess I'm still having a really hard time switching gears between motherhood/full nest and grandmotherhood/empty nest.  How dang long should it take?  It's been 10 years!

I'm very thankful for all of my grandchildren (there's 12)  But I have to keep reminding myself that I am no longer the center of that world.  I'm on the periphery.  I'm a satellite and not planet mom.  

The sooner I accept that 

The happier I will be.  

Let's get to this!

 It's been a really long time since I have posted on this blog.

I've been suffering from social media mental disorder.

I loved my old blogging days.

Sometimes I vented.

Sometimes I talked about my life/day.

Sometimes I shared helpful information.

Facebook is hell.

And it's going deeper.

Instagram is strictly for "influencers"----no thank you

Pinterest, while being somewhat helpful

Is full of Ads with images that are offensive to me.

Sometimes I can't get past it.

So,

I'm going to try coming back here.

To find the good things that I used to read.

To hopefully share some good things.

Over and Out. 

You can't please everyone

I made a Facebook post yesterday about grandparents....

I realized after I had done it that it would hit a nerve since my situation is probably a minority situation.

I felt really bad about it but I decided to keep it up because it could provide an outlet for how we really feel.

Facebook can be such a fake world, sometimes real is really good.

anyway,

I've been troubled for my entire life because I thought differently, acted differently, behaved differently. The trouble has always come from outside of myself and often from those closest to me.

Why can't I just be like everyone else?

That would make them feel better about themselves, but would make me feel horrible!

As Popeye says "I ams what I ams"

Sometimes you can hold it together just so long and then you pop! ha! I pop with memes.

Then you have to remember who you are going to be held accountable to in this life (God)

Then you have to remember that you are here to serve and not be served.

Then you have to remember that you want to live your life with no regrets because there are no do overs.

I do not take for granted the blessings I have been given in this life. I know that I have been given a gift in that my family is all here. I know that I have been given a gift in that God has provided a way for me to be here and be dedicated to helping, teaching, loving these children.

And that's exactly what I'm going to continue to do because that is all that I know how to do.

I have had to fight against culture my whole life. I had to fight and dig in my heels to be a stay at home mom. I had to fight and dig in my heels to home school my children. And there have been thousands of little and big fights in between for a thousand other issues. I will not compromise. This is too important.

So you are either with me or against me. Either way I will carry on just as I feel that I am being led. I am only responsible for my own conscience.

Wow, a lot more came out than I intended. But I am being real here.

They say that everyone should just do the best they can.

So everyone should just decided what that is and what that looks like to them in their life.

And they should just live their life according

And so will I.

Happy Holidays!

I looked at the calendar yesterday and realized that this week ALL of the holidays of December are in the same week.

So if I say Happy Holidays don't get upset that I'm "taking the Christ out of Christmas" (I'm still not sure that He would be happy about "Christmas")

I'm looking forward to the Solstice*, not because I'm a pagan, but because my body and mind are screaming for more light (physical, actual light, not spiritual--I've got that covered!)

Hanukkah begins next week also. As Christians we don't celebrate this one but if we say we support Israel we better be respectful of their celebrations and festivals. After all these are the people that worship the one true God (unlike the Muslim who do not)

Boxing day in Canada  is the day after Christmas. I know nothing about this holiday other than it is another non-religious holiday and seems to be harmless.  (see my disclaimer below about Halloween)

And finally, Kwanzaa.  I don't know much about this holiday.  I do know that it is a more modern celebration and that it is a cultural, not religious celebration.  I would assume it is on par with St. Patrick's Day.

So, you see, there are many holidays this week. I do not believe that you are somehow lessening Christ if you wish someone a Happy Holiday!

I think Christians should worry way more about their participation in Halloween than in saying Happy Holidays. Just think about how much Happy Halloween is thrown around by Bible believing Christians! Unreal and truly anti-Christ.

*a disclaimer that I must put on here and let the chips fall where they may: I will not acknowledge or well wish on holidays that have anything to do with satanism/muslim/lgbtxyz or anything in that line of thought. And before you call me names that end in "phobic or ism" just click off my page and go along your merry way.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

**I typed this out before the solstice

A Christian Argument for Homeschooling

At church this past Sunday morning the sermon was about Moses coming down off of the mountain after being in God's presence for 40 days and nights.  When he came down carrying the tablets for the second time His face was radiantly shining.  This happened every time he spent time in the presence of God.  He spent time "beholding" God and he was therefore becoming more godly.

Then the pastor said "We become like what we behold"

Well, that got my attention!  I began to take some notes, but gave up in favor of going back and viewing the video later in the day.  The beginning part of his sermon was chock full of reasons why we should home school!  This was, I am sure, not his intention.  But there it was!  There is no denying it!

The following quotes are listed in the order in which they were stated:

"We are influenced by those we spend the most time with"
*Why would we send our children off to a day care or a school building where they are influenced by their teachers and peers for the majority of their productive day?

"It matters who we keep company with"
*Do we really know all of the people that our children come into contact with each day?  Do we trust them?  Do we personally know them?  The children?  Their families?

"We adopt the values, perspectives, and habits from the people we spend the most time with"
*Teachers, aides, students, etc........do we know what the values, perspectives, and habits are of all of these people?  Would we be okay with them if we did?

"Are those people we spend time with good for us?"
*Can you really honestly answer yes to this question? Think about it?

"Do they bring us closer to the Lord or farther away?"
*Public school is never going to bring you closer to God.  It will only drive a wedge of doubt into your child's heart and mind.  It is a place where it is illegal to mention God.

"All our lives we become like what we behold"
*From the cradle to the grave!  We become what we behold.  That is a profound statement in regards to sending your children out of your christian home into a pagan world to learn.

"It benefits us always to make sure that we are gazing upon and investing our time in that which is good and that which is godly"
*I guess you could make a slight argument for some good in public education.  But it does not outweigh the ungodly, not one bit!  And it is progressively getting worse.
A child in public school can easily spend the majority of every school day beholding, investing in, and being influenced by that which is not known for godliness.

As Christians we owe it to our children and our grandchildren to guide them in the way that is right and godly.

A public education, or in my opinion, any education outside of the home, is not in the best interest of Christian children.