the prequel and the sequel to christmas

my post from yesterday
about christmas
actually flowed right out of me while i was writing in my journal on christmas morning
i'm going to share what i wrote

*christmas morning
up at 5:30 to water the chickens
quiet in my room (my bubby cave)
kitty & coffee
looked at internet
a video on Voskamp
i need a techno break
right. now.
there is too much of the world that comes into my life through SCREENS.
i.   can't.    handle.     it.
today.....
church.  i'm not feeling like going.  i would much rather go off into the woods.
God is with me.
i don't need to go to church to find Him.
i don't need to go to church to satisfy a legalistic need to participate in organized religion.
 

yep.  i wrote that.  then my post from yesterday just flowed out onto the paper.
sometimes you just need to write it.  get it out.  some things are worth sharing.  most is not, and thankfully i don't.

So.
what i wrote above.....about church........
it had NOTHING to do with church.
it had EVERYTHING  to do with ME!
i get people overload.
i get situational overload (i may have just made that up but its real, people)
can i get an amen?

in the woods i can talk to God.  i can sing, i can pray, i can cry! or i can do nothing at all and just sit quiet before Him.

let's face it.
the boundaries are there.  the line you have to toe.  everyone likes to pretend it's not, but it is.
the judgments are there.  everyone likes to pretend they are not.  but they are.
we are all human.  i get it.  and i'm honest.  at least here.

so, when i'm already emotionally drained......
church is the last place i need to go!
again, i'm talking about me.  i'm talking about what i know is best for me.
when i go to church i have to "put my game face on"

anyway,
this post is NOT about church
yada, yada, yada
i get it
don't preach it to me
fellowship
don't forsake it
i don't
i just don't crave it
........maybe if i lived under a rock from monday through saturday and had no contact at all with other christian people............
but i don't
.................................................................

this seems rambling and all over the place but i'm getting to the good stuff, i promise.

this morning i went back to my regular bible study in the morning.  i had been studying isaiah before the advent break.
i opened my bible to where i needed to begin again

isaiah 29
v 1  what sorrow awaits Ariel, the city of David.  year after year you celebrate your feasts.
v2  yet I will bring disaster upon you and there will be much weeping and sorrow

i won't go on.......
i found this passage interesting
ironic even
in light of my brain dump about christmas

God works in mysterious ways.