my heavy heart

it seems i always have to deal with relationships that aren't right.  its the story of my life. is it me?  the people around me aren't telling me its me, well, thats not totally true. my husband tells me to not care about it so much.  easier said than done.

as a christian i feel that if we can't maintain relationships despite our differences then we are failing.  because its all about love. right?

this is an open blog, so i'll just say that i've agonized over whether or not to even write the stuff i did last or this.  but i can't let it go without getting it out.  maybe my blog is kind of like talking to God and everyone else at the same time. confessing. hoping.

the issue with my daughter (in law) sarah's family. its so hard for me. especially when i know that it is gossiped about outside the family. (which is exactly what i'm doing here) ugh!

this is the hard part: this woman is the pastors wife.  back in the beginning of the kids marriage i said something that upset her. i apologized and she accepted.  now she keeps throwing that back up.  she has done this to my daughter julie also.  that is hard!

but when someone from outside the family confronts sarah and makes her cry because they are saying bad things about her husbands family, thats even harder.

i'm being portrayed as a domineering parent who forces herself into her childrens lives. 

sticks n stones and blah, blah, blah.

the hard part is that no one is calling her out on it. 
and its making me pull back a little. i feel like if no one is going to publicly & assertively stick up for me then maybe its true? maybe they are right. jeff is always saying i do too much for everyone.

crying.

but when i pull back, no one fills the void. 
its all just words with her.

christians dealing with other christians badly is not okay. especially when they are in a position of leadership in a church.

all i want is for my grandchildren to have no dysfunction in their families. i don't think thats too much to ask!

i don't want someone else's jealousy to cause us to change the way we relate to one another in my family.  we are a close family. we are an honest family. we are called to serve one another.

that being all said
its complicated

daughter julie and son in law ben live in an apartment owned by the church, so they have to attend
son jeff and daughter in law sarah are in deep because of family in the church

son ben and daughter in law meghan do not attend there
jeff and i do not attend there.

a month or so ago jeff and i decided that we would attend that church once a month since we will soon have 3 grandchildren there, and i wanted them to see us at church as a good example.

thats when all this started.  we are obviously not welcome at that church.  not even to visit.

i don't want my children there.

praying for that
praying for the pastor/dad to wake up and do the right thing
praying for the mom/mil to be convicted of the wrongness of her actions & words.

praying for myself  to refrain from anger in this situation (really hard- i came close to having words with someone in public a few days ago & the Lord put ethan in my arms to stop me)

praying that i can keep my lips silent.

again, thanks for listening.
i miss xanga
i felt more comfortable there

karen